Life as I know it.

10 year anniversary

so i just realised that the 10 year anniversary of our platoon passed.... which totally passed me by. Somehow i always get depressed when i see these updates... reminds me of mistakes made that can never be undone, chances missed that can never come again, and friends lost that will never give me another chance to be part of them again. looking at the seniors, looking at the juniors, I never saw this coming.... for me to be on the outside peering in.

memories of those days are blur.... it's probably a subconcious self defense mechanism. what the hell am i doing. i'll probably never let this go and every now and again i'll fall into this black hole of depression. amnesia sounds about good right now. cos if all the memories were bad then it might not be so bad. but to have people i loved as sisters cut me out of their lives... well it's just too painful. i realise that no one reading this will understand what i'm talking about cos no one i noe after those days know the details of how i was/am a failure.

depression ain't a bad feeling... cos u become kinda numb and cushioned from the rest of the world.... functioning ain't that big a problem cos pple don't tend to pay very much attention to you in the first place... numb is good. getting there from the pain is kinda difficult though. sf, i still do think of you now and again.... i wish things turned out the way we talked about on msn... but i have to believe you are in a good place now. i'm sorry i didn't go see you this year or talk to the pt cs... but i think i don't want to intrude... you all are still in my thoughts and i wish i did better.

posted by Wei Lin @ 1:19 AM