Insomnia
Okie blogger is pissing me off. I can't even post something peacefully. here goes the last try.It's almost 430am now.. and I can't sleep... the same song has been playing on the media player for the umpteen time. It's a wierd mood that I'm in now.. I'm neither here nor there... recent events have set me to reflecting... it seems like a natural thing to do... and the sum result is an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Naivete. Sheltered. Somehow I have this feeling that I'm more comfortable with my com then with the people around me. Am I then finally turning into a recluse?
Or has that dreaded depression mode set in again? I'm getting addicted to walking aimlessly, alone, and for unknown lengths of time around my estate... nothing really goes through my mind during these times... but the encompassing feeling of aloneness. I realise the past sem has been a blur. for that matter my entire time in NUS thus far can be classified as a blurred memory. Unwelcomed images of rgs days surface in my mind... not that they were unhappy days.. but that they remind me of unhappy times. And I realise that the hurt of that time never really went away.. and I find myself having to deal with it all over again. Will I ever walk out of those shadows? I have to snap out of it. Self-esteem was hard won, and self-doubt is so easy to fall back into... god please guide me through this.
posted by Wei Lin @ 6:00 AM
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